Ten years ago, Gregg and I lived at Shady Oaks.  We had an 11 month old daughter, a 15 year old son and a 17 year old son.  Gregg owned his own construction company.  The latest client wasn’t paying his bills and the company was going down.  I was struggling with postpartum depression (although I didn’t realize it) and an identity crisis.  And we were about to embark on a journey that would test our faith, marriage, family and core being.  It would also make us stronger individuals, strengthen our faith and cementing our family together for all times.

We had no idea.

It actually started to intensify  7 months earlier.  Chase, 15, wanted to throw an end of year party for his friends.  It had been a rough year for all of us.  He hated school.  Punishments didn’t motivate him.  Rewards didn’t motivate him.  Little did we know the path that we were all about to travel.   The party for 10-15 people grew to 50 people within minutes. Food and sodas were available, music, swimming and more.  But alcohol had been slipped into the party and within an hour, our house was trashed and Chase’s girlfriend was passed out on his bed.  And the crew of 45-50 kids departed as fast as they had come.  This was just the first sign of the trouble that was to come.

We had no idea.

Chase had always been convinced that he had ADD and needed medicine.  We thought he really just wanted a magic pill because we didn’t view him as being ADD, but after the year we had had, we decided to get him tested.  The testing did not show he was ADD but it did show he had an auditory learning challenge.  One of the recommendations was a smaller class environment.  A perfect segway to private school.  We thought it would be a good re-boot.  Chase started his sophomore year at a private school, 15 minutes away.  Landen and I were his primary ride.

We had no idea.

November 3, 2006:  Senior night at the High School football game.  Mitch was being recognized as a Silver Spur.   It was also the night of Chase’s first suicide attempt.  Chase was grounded from going to the game and was ticked.  All of Mitch’s parents were going to the halftime event.  My parents had come into take care of Landen (9 mo).  Sometime between dinner and 930 pm, pills were taken.  And by midnight we were all at the ER wondering what had just happened.

We had no idea.

Counseling was required and our next week was all about keeping Chase alive and attending out-patient therapy.  Gregg and I followed all of the counselor’s recommendations which wasn’t popular with Chase or his mom.  By Christmas, Chase was done with our rules and decided to live with his mom.  He also wasn’t speaking to Gregg.  It was a very hard Christmas to say the least.

We had no idea how hard it was about to get.

Private school got exchanged for a new public school close to Jenny (his mom).  And in January 2007, Chase started his third school in less than a year. It seemed every day, several times a day, we were on the phone with Jenny and John arguing about what was best for Chase.  And then early one morning, January 21st to be exact, we got a call.  Chase was being taken to the ER via ambulance.  It wasn’t good.  Know one knew what he had taken or how much.  Gregg headed straight to the hospital.  I, however, had 4 kids that night.  There aren’t many people you can call in the middle of the night for help but we have those people and thank God for them.  Jan and Craig got to our house around 230AM.  Jan stayed with the kids so Craig and I could go to the hospital.  It was BAD.

Chase was in a vegetative state and not able to speak.  We didn’t know how much of what he had taken.  And he was like that for 72 hours. Those next 72 hours are a blur.  We had huge decisions to make without many resources.  Once he did finally wake, he was broken. He begged for help.  He was a scared kid and we were scared adults.

We had no idea.

We learned a lot in the next week.  Like the fact that there are very few residential treatment programs that will take on a kid that have actually ‘attempted’ suicide.  Even less that aren’t sterile medical places.  That people would rather judge our parenting skills for having a kid that attempted rather than help us locate a place to help him.  That this was a taboo topic to be open about.  And many, many other things.  Chase was transferred to a the Seay Center in Plano until we could figure out what to do and to get him some interim help.  It is a lock down sterile facility.  We had 5 days to determine our next steps.

We had no idea.

Lots of phone calls and internet research.  And then we found one…in UTAH!  They were willing to work with our insurance (not that it would pay much), were more residential than sterile, they didn’t promise a miracle in 30 days and they had a spot open.  Eagle Ranch Academy.  Chase was not thrilled.  In fact, he was pretty pissed and said he wasn’t going.  So Gregg gave him the option of flying and driving peacefully with us or being transported by large bouncer dudes in a van.  Chase is smart…he chose to fly.

So on Landen’s first birthday, Gregg, Chase and I flew to Las Vegas and drove to ERA.  We toured the facility, admitted Chase to ERA and headed back home.  The tears of sadness and relief and exhaustion were constant as we drove back to Las Vegas.  To know your child is in a ‘safe’ place after months of uncertainty is more than a relief.  Gregg and I made it back to Vegas and had our best night of sleep in over a year.

We had no idea.

Chase spent 8 months at ERA.  The treatment is student driven.  And he was a tough one. There was very little communication in the first few months until he began to actually work the program. We visited a few times for family therapy and education.  In the mean time, Chase turned 16, Gregg’s business went bankrupt (and he started another business), Mitch graduated from High School and I was learning how to be a stay at home mom.

In August of 2007, Chase came home.  He had been doing school on-line in rehab and wanted to continue it at home.  It would allow him to finish HS a year early and he was finding success with the curriculum.  So we became home-schoolers.  Chase was disciplined and did his schoolwork and started earning privileges back at home.  He started dating a CHS girl and we started doing a lot of painting and photography.  And for 20 months, Chase was sober.

Then in the Fall of 2008, he disappeared during the night, drove to Colorado and began another difficult path.  He wasn’t allowed to live with us after that.  He bounced around to his mom’s house and friends houses for a while.  He lived out of his truck for a long time. And we didn’t know where he was most of the time.  We said he could visit if he was sober and we were home, but that wasn’t often.

The spring of 2010, he hit a lower level (not bottom) and was feeling suicidal again.  Gregg was working in Houston during the week.  Landen was 4 and Reece was almost 1.  The girls were at preschool and I was talking with Chase on the phone.  Then a few texts and no response.  I started driving.  All I had to go on was that the cops were there and it was somewhere in the neighborhood behind Mooyah.  I found him.  He was tired, sad  and broken.  I called Gregg, called the airline and put him on a plane to Houston.

Chase lived with Gregg for a few months.  He worked on a construction site and trying to remain sober.  Having a place to sleep, food to eat and clothes to wear allowed him to breathe a bit.  But that didn’t last long.  He got tired of the rules and the structure.  So he headed back to Coppell. I think he actually lived with Jenny for a while after that and tried the whole work, sober-ish living.  But living in someone else’s house under their rules was not his strength, so he went back to the streets.

By 2011, he had a restaurant job and was consistently working and pulling himself together.  He got an apartment with a friend and was able to pay his bills and eat.  And he started to see the value of sobriety.  He started coming around a bit and talking about wanting more in life.  By 2012, we were able to connect him with a job in the kitchen at private school with a great friend.  He did great at the routine and the job.  The people around him were supportive and encouraging.  He began to use less and work more.

I will never forget the day in the Spring of 2013, when Chase mentioned going back to school.  He had already had 2 chances at the local community college with our money and had not finished either semester.  We told him if he wanted to go back to school he would need to pay for it first and then we would re-imburse him once he completed the course with a decent grade.  He dreaded going to the community college but he wanted an education.  I challenged him to open his options up and look outside of the community college.  It blew his mind.  He had never thought of that.  He didn’t respond for a few weeks after our conversation.

Chase’s latest girlfriend was headed to SCAD in the fall of 2013.  He wanted to go as well.  He didn’t have a resume, a portfolio or a good track record at anything.  It was the first time we had seen him excited about anything in a very long time.  So we walked him thru the process of applying. It was a long shot but if he wanted to try, we would walk beside him.  It was the first time he followed through on the steps of the ‘system’.  And he was rejected, however there was one option.  He could prove himself at the university.  IF he paid full tuition AND lived in the dorms, he could attend SCAD for a quarter.  IF he made good grades, he would be admitted to the university.  We leaped.

Gregg and Chase visited the campus and fell in love with Savannah and SCAD.  And by March of 2013, I was moving Chase into his dorm at SCAD.

Chase has always been a creative and intelligent person.  He is sensitive, loving and caring.  He is considerate and kind.  He is persuasive and easily persuaded.  He looks at the world differently than most and always felt like an outsider.  He had found his place with the mis-fits, the druggies and the disadvantaged.  But this opportunity would help him find his place in academia, in creative expression and in hands on results.  It had everything he needed, academia that could relate to the artist, the intensity to demand attention and results and the hands on application to cultivate hidden talents.  It fed his self confidence, his brain, his creativity and his curiosity.

And in June of 2016, Chase graduated from SCAD with a degree in Service Design.

 

Ten years ago, we had no idea we would ever see this moment.  We had no idea we would get the privilege of traveling this path.  We had no idea that we could or would love him even more. We had no idea how it would change our life as a family, as friends and as individuals.  We had no idea we would be so thankful.