Change and Expectations are exhausting.  We want change, we want to be excited about the next step and we are mostly – as much as you can be excited for the un-known.  We love looking forward to what is coming and preparing for the next steps but it is tiring.  and while we do our best to focus on being in the here and now and enjoying the today, we must prepare for the tomorrow and it is and can be overwhelming at times.  Even when it is all good and well.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.   2 Corinthians 4:18

This spring has been filled with great events, fun opportunities and incredible experiences.  It is has been a blessing to be able to be in the present and enjoying the kids and home and to dream about what will come.  There has been sadness around as we comfort those we care for in our community but for us and our experiences, we have had very few traumatic events and everything has been exciting and positive.  Landen is finishing 5th grade (elementary school) and her first season on Drill Team.  Reece is finishing 2nd grade and participating on a Gymnastics Team.  Mitch and Liz had their first baby!  Chase is doing his thing in NYC.  Gregg is busy with work and I have been doing CASA classes and pondering the summer and next fall.  So why do I feel so exhausted?  Why I am I having trouble tapping into my emotions?

Why?

BECAUSE IT’S MAY and we have school aged children!  Because the last month I have been on my ‘to do’ mission.  Field trips, school parities, birthday parties, awards events, banquets, summer sign ups and the list goes on.  And not until I took the time to sit down and process all of this did I realize that I am using the wrong words.  I am using change, expectations and exhaustion in the wrong way.  I am using them with a negative almost apprehensive connotation.  A dreaded time when actually it is not that at all.

I have the privilege of being at home and being involved with my elementary kids at school.  I love knowing who they are surrounded by each day.  I love knowing their friends at school and their teachers and how they behaves away from me.  I love seeing that pride and excitement when they sees me at school.  I love being able to text or call any number of people to check on them if they are having a rough emotional day.  So many privileges and until right now as I sit here and try to understand my emotions do I realize the impact of my privilege.  The apprehensive, almost negative, connotations of the expectations and changes fade away, the exhaustion and weight of what is to come gets lighter and the pride of privilege opens up.

I have the privilege to be present as my children grow and change and to transition with them.  I have the privilege of going on the field trips, planning the parties, talking with them at pick up and guiding their discussions.  I had the privilege of being present when our first grand baby was born.  I had the privilege of taking food to the hospital, to supporting them when needed.  Am I tired?  Yes.  Am I grateful?  Hell, yea!

May is exhausting every year.  The to-do list gets long and the events seem to never end.  I can anticipate this and know it is just it’s own season.  And I have the privilege to participate in every event and to walk with our family through the transitions.  Words matter.  Perspective matters.  Time matters.

Privilege –  right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond theadvantages of most:

Transition – movement or passage from one state, stage,subject, concept, etc., to another;

Anticipate – to realize beforehand; foretaste or foresee