What we do matters.  Who your friends are matters.  Every thing we do with and around our kids matters.  How we talk about others matters.  How we love others matters.

I had an AHA moment this weekend.  I had never drawn the parallels in my life to that of my parents.  But this weekend it hit me like a ton of bricks as I attended the funeral of my mom’s best friend.  Too young to die and the most painful type of cancer you can image in the developed world.  62 yo.  They had been friends for almost 40 years.  I am 44.  They only lived in the same town for 11 years.  It didn’t matter. One of those friendships that lasts the test of time and the drama of life.

Joyce was a wild child from a rough and tough family.  The oldest of 4 and only girl, her childhood was full of drugs and violence and void of God.  She grew up in Wichita which doesn’t sound very glamorous or ‘hard core’… but whenever there are drugs involved and it’s YOUR childhood, its ‘hard core’.  She barely stood to 4’11” fully grown but her personality stood 10 feet tall.  And to think this tough girl ended up moving to Pittsburg, KS (smaller than Wichita…much smaller) and married a PREACHER!  She did.  And she was the ‘rebel’ paster’s wife of Pittsburg.  She was hip, opinionated and knew how to unconditionally love.  And while they seemed like opposites on the outside…their hearts connected and so began a 40 year friendship.

What also began was an 11 year run at Open Door Fellowship Church, a non-denomination, charismatic family.  The 11 years were not all great.  But the golden years in the beginning are still a part of my memory and I dare say some of the best moments of my parents lives.  Young couples with their kids or not, attending church Sunday morning and night and Wednesday Nights.  Parents playing softball together.  Pot lucks.  Pepsi, Mississippi Pie, McDonalds, Burger King, late night talking (and falling asleep to them talking)…you could actually feel the love.  Of course, it couldn’t last forever, and it didn’t.  Joyce and Kent moved to Kent’s home town to pastor a church there and that is where they lived for 30 years.  But they visited.  And when they did and if I could ever get close to that smell, sound or feel of excitement, fun, love, laughter and acceptance… I would.  As couples, they made time for each other … the guys enjoying each other as much as the girls.  There was/is a respect and love between these couples that is rare but visible.  Dad and Kent could talk about ANYTHING and always make each other laugh.  Laughter was BIG!

The others in the golden era of ODF were influential and important as well.  At least two families fostered and four families had adopted children.  Many hippies (it was the 70’s) and creative people.  Entrepreneurs (my dad being the king).  All of strong faith and while I didn’t appreciate it at the time and honestly focused on everyone’s faults rather than their faith…it mattered.  Education was important to all around us but loving and taking care of others was equally as important.  If someone needed something and you had it…share it.

Dad and Mom have been the epitome of sharing their knowledge, time and money.  Always looking for others to educate, feed, cloth or pray for…but without reward.  I have no idea how many kids my parents have put through college or families they have fed or clothed.  But I know it’s a lot.  I know that jobs were offered when they probably weren’t deserved.  I know doctor visits were attended with friends when it wasn’t required.  I know dinners were cooked or paid for in restaurants when it wasn’t requested.  And I know acknowledgement was not needed or wanted.  They were merely doing what God had told them to do…love.

There are many hard things about life that I didn’t know growing up.  One I witnessed yesterday.  My mom giving a Eulogy at her best friends funeral.  I can’t imagine.  And she ROCKED it!  She honored her memory and their relationship and God well.  I have never known my mom to be a public speaker.  She can play piano and sing in front of people but to get up and speak…well it has to be for someone special.  And Joyce was special.  I was so proud of her words and her composure.  And after, I learned that she has and does speak publicly in two scenarios:  for the Ronald McDonald House and Tourette Syndrome.  Of course!  When defending and battling for the rights of children and their families.  HA!  IT MATTERS!

This all sounds ideal and perfect right?  NOT!  I have not seen my childhood this way until NOW.  I have been quite critical (ok a lot critical) of my parents and how we were raised.  The craziness of the Charismatic church then jumping to Nazerene then Catholic HS.  The workaholic dad, the emotional mom, the strict parenting, the judgmental nature of it all.  Of course, I was being the most judgmental of all.  They weren’t perfect and still aren’t.  Did dad work a lot?  Yes.  Did he build a fabulous education company for kids K-12 , teachers and families? Yes.  Did he show us a great work ethic, determination and creativity?  Yes.  Did he do the best he could?  Yes.  Is my mom emotional? Yes.  Is she more sensitive and aware of others around her than the normal person?  Yes.  Did she use this for God’s greater good?  Yes.  Does she get paralyzed by over analysis?  Yes.  Is she a great detail person?  Yes.  Did she do the best she could?  Yes.  Where they strict when we were growing up?  Yes.  Did they need to be?  Probably a Yes for me.  😉  Were/Are they opinionated?  Yes and Thank God!  They taught us to question respectfully, not judge.  I so wish I would have understood this earlier.  But I get to see it now and how I view my childhood and how I love and treat my parents matters.  It matters to my kids, my parents, me and to God.

I was blessed.  I am still blessed for this family and that I get to have a veil lifted.  I get to appreciate while they are still alive.  I get to be shown what matters.  I get to be reminded that what we do RIGHT NOW with our ‘second round’ WILL matter when they are grown and on their own. I get to say THANK YOU to a mom and dad that believe in the Trinity and the redemptive love of Christ and lived it out.