It is NOT well with my Soul.

#MeToo

#WhyIDidn’tReport

There is an ugly secret from my past that keeps haunting me.  It’s not the actual act that haunts me.  It’s that I haven’t had the freedom to share.  The freedom to tell.  It has been almost 30 years (28 to be exact) and I still struggle with telling my parents.  Others know.  Not many though.

There is so much in the media right now.  Men are finally being held accountable for their behavior towards women.  Somewhat.  It seems a woman is not counted as a reliable source unless several come out.  There is so much shame attached rape.  Not on the part of the perpetrator but on the part of the victim.  I lived with that shame and guilt for many years before I got help.  And while i did get help, and i have resolved those feelings, the fact that I can’t discuss this with my family is hard.  The other part that is hard is having children.  I told the boys when they were in high school because I didn’t want them to be THAT guy.  And we are beginning to get close to the age I must tell the girls.  I don’t want them to fear intimacy but i do want them to be aware of the creeps out there.

My heart grieves for the women and families that are coming forward right now.  My heart grieves that i don’t feel like i can come forward.  My heart grieves for the next female that will be sexually assaulted.

My soul is not well…and My heart grieves.