I love change…when I instigate it.

I love change…when I have helped process it.

I hate change…when I have no control over it.

I hate change…when it hurts my family.

I accept change…because life would be boring without it.

I accept change…because I rely on God.

The breeze started in early April and it is still blowing. It started with little things…I need to work more, Reece needing a shift in gymnastics and possibly school, Landen moving towards independence.  And then it got bigger….Gregg got laid off, Eli left for a relative and Thea turned 1.  None of these are bad things, in fact they are all good but they are not easy.  So many times we assume change is bad but the truth is that this spring and summer has been nothing but good change.  We have all grown emotionally, spiritually and collectively as a family.

I feel change as it’s occurring.  I can sense the shift in the air.  I am not sure when my ability to sense seasons of change began.  I am not sure if this is something everyone can do or not.  For me, I observe, almost from the outside or as if i’m watching a movie in slow motion.  I am in it but i can feel it and see it.  It’s not sudden, It’s slow shifts that you never thought would come but then all of the sudden you are witnessing them.  It’s hard for me to process when it happens.  I don’t know whether to appreciate it or fight against it.

A significant wind blew on the cruise this year.  There was a shift occurring in our immediate and extended family.  We were the parents of adults, children and a grandchild.  The princess crazed kid was not so interested this year, the pre-teen was done being at the ‘kid table’.  The adult kids were focused on survival with a baby.  The baby was excited for the freedom.  I became less interested in what we were doing and more interested in who I was with.  Gregg was the most relaxed he has ever been on a cruise due to his new found freedom.  And Alex.  He participated when he could but often had to rest.  My parents focused on his care and the visible decline of his body.

That same breeze that blew through in early April and in July is still blowing.  Change is happening.  See it? Landen started 7th grade at the new building.  Reece started 4th grade at Pinkerton.  Gregg has a new gig that allows him to work from home.  Mitch and Liz have decided to move to Tulsa.  And I am in slo-mo., watching the changes that come with time, that I have no control over.

Change:

to make different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to transform: to exchange for something else