I got whacked in the face yesterday by two ideas.  And they both stung.

1. I can’t remember a time when i wasn’t taking care of someone.  And yesterday it was proposed that maybe caretaking isn’t always an expression of love and sometimes the caretaking is about the caretaker…in a selfish way.  WHOA!  HOLD the phone!  I get that concept and I have seen it in others but I have never thought of myself like that.  Is caretaking a coping mechanism for me?  Has it always been and does it continue to be a survival tool?  Has it become counter productive?
2. Do I use ‘victim’ language when I don’t meet my personal goals?  Do I take a passive voice as if I don’t have control over my time or actions?  It was proposed that instead of staying in touch with my power to choose, I somehow let go or give up when it revolves around choosing ‘me’. I put everyone else and every other thing before me.  Am I collaborating with an old Krista?  One that is undervalued?  Do I self sabotage?  By adding to my list continually and minimizing down time?